My name is Alan, and this is my balloon
Maurice Sendak: World's Most Badass Children's Book Writer Posted: 1 month ago by Pazez
"What do you say to parents who think the Wild Things film may be too scary?"
"I would tell them to go to hell."
Comments: 4 Score: [-] 465 [+].
Florida Beach Closed due to Mile-Long Trail of Manatee Turds Posted: 1 month ago by Pazez
Manatees are so annoying!
Comments: 0 Score: [-] 93 [+].
Introducing the Blade-Free Fan Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
Welcome to the future.
f**k Jetpacks.
Comments: 7 Score: [-] 775 [+].
Hunting Arctic Asteroid Impact With Hovercraft Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
There's only one place left in this world that hasn't been explored, and it is guaranteed to teach us more than the rest of the planet has ever told us. It's the bottom.
Comments: 1 Score: [-] 52 [+].
The Lost Golf Balls of Loch Ness Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
My Theory: Angered Scotsmen drive balls at Nessie who blows raspberries and dives into the depths before anybody can take a picture.
Comments: 0 Score: [-] 8 [+].
Samples of Hardy Life to be Sent out into Space Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
The problem is getting them back.
Comments: 0 Score: [-] 112 [+].
2016 Olympics to Hold Golf & Rugby Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
You're next, poker.
Comments: 1 Score: [-] 8 [+].
Archaeologists find Another Stone Circle by Stonehenge Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
This either supports the theory that Stonehenge is an ancient burial site... or it's multiplying.
Comments: 2 Score: [-] 222 [+].
NASA Returns to the Moon- and doesn't Stop There!* Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
*Because they're planning to crash into it.
This is happening Friday, 6:15am EST; you're supposed to be able to see it with a telescope!
Comments: 0 Score: [-] 299 [+].
Problem: Mexican Children are Crossing the Border to Attend Class in Texas Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
Solution: Catch 'em on a bridge on their walk to school and ask them to confirm that they live in the US
Comments: 0 Score: [-] 216 [+].
Airport Security may Start Scanning Body Signals. Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
Nervous flier? That means you're probably fidgeting, and probably a terrorist.
Comments: 5 Score: [-] 147 [+].
H1N1 Vaccine Arrives Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
A little earlier than expected. Hopefully the ugly vaccination stories that I've been reading lately don't show their face for this guy.
Comments: 3 Score: [-] 110 [+].
Tyrannosaurus Rex Skeleton Can't Find a Home Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
Follow Up to This.
An auction in Las Vegas put up a T-Rex skeleton nicknamed Rex. Nobody's paddles were big enough to buy it.
Apparently, people are still pissed that they're actually scavengers.
Comments: 0 Score: [-] 67 [+].
John & Kate Plus Media Attention Hoarding. Also, some Kids Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
John Gosselin, of John & Kate Plus 8, takes $200,000 out of his and Kate's joint bank account, leaving only $1,000.
Yes, this show is still on, despite John's refusal to be in it...
Comments: 0 Score: [-] 57 [+].
Bionic Animals Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
For years, we've never given the animal kingdom a leg to stand on. Lately, we've been giving back.
Comments: 0 Score: [-] 45 [+].
Man Threatens to Shoot iPhone at Apple Store Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
Another reason why new technology should have an age limit.
Comments: 1 Score: [-] 31 [+].
Obama calls Kanye West a "Jackass" Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
Well, I suppose what's considered news to some...
Comments: 18 Score: [-] 864 [+].
They Might Be Giants are about to Make a Lot of Parents Unhappy Posted: 2 months ago by Pazez
I like the stories/About angels, unicorns and elves/Now I like the stories/As much as anybody else/But when I'm seeking knowledge/Either simple or abstract/The facts are with science
You know as much as I do as to what making a kid-friendly album like this is going to cause. Song in question here.
Comments: 14 Score: [-] 367 [+].